Disappointment

May 1 2016

I'll admit; I was disppointed, but I should have expected it. That was how Harland operated.

This is how I felt during my childhood with my dad. But I learnt to block it out. And now, quite a few years later, he wants to have contact. There's questions that I still want to ask him.

And I'm quite sure that Elian wants answers to the same questions. But chances are, they probably aren't ever going to get answered. Our dad may feel guilty now, but I highly doubt he feels guilty enough.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Be Warned...

March 27 2016

My shoulders dropped. "This was a bad time to have a child. How am I supposed to pass traits on that I think she should have if I don't have them myself?"

Raiden smiled. "There's always a way."

In this case, I agree with my mother. If she had waited, she would have had more life experience to pass on along with having possibly chosen a better parenting partner, instead of having to pass this important step to someone else - that someone else being my Godmother, Raiden.

Though I'm still grateful to have Raiden, because I feel that she passed on the correct traits that I needed to get through my childhood and teen years. Kids need solid boundaries, and unfortunately, nowadays, that isn't provided, then parents wonder why their kids end up messed up and making bad choices. 

A good solid foundation with emphasis on values, morals and standards is a good way to start. And be sure to have a partner that shares your values, otherwise it's just going to make parenting difficult.

Thankfully, my mother has improved somewhat since those years, even though it's a little late to have any eureka moments now that could have been used when me and my brother were still young enough to learn them.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

The Lonely Life of a Mother

March 13 2016

When I got home, life went on as expected: Harland went to work, I took care of  my new lovely baby girl that I had named Morven; cleaned the house, and when Harland came home, he expected food, said little and went to bed. Attention was never given to Morven by him, except to tell me to keep her quiet when he was sleeping. There were nights where I cried silently, because I felt alone, and I had no support to take care of Morven. When I did cry, I made sure to do it out of Morven's presence, as I didn't want her to see my distress. Then there were nights where I tearfully called Raiden and asked her to come over.

This is what my mother had to go through because the partner she had chosen to be with didn't want to be a parent. 

Sometimes guys wonder why I have the attitude I do; and usually I don't explain because I know they aren't going to be sticking around. 

The problem with kids today is that they don't have the parental role models they should. Thankfully I had my Godmother Raiden when I was growing up.

Maybe if my mom had observed more carefully, she would've known to stay away from him.

Sometimes I think that my relationship with them would have been better if they'd been the parents they were supposed to. Maybe my brother Elian wouldn't have done all the things he did if they'd been better parents.

I can go on all day about 'maybes' and 'what ifs', but unfortunately I've got to work with what has passed and happened. All I can do is move forward.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Choices: Does the baby monkey do what it sees the parents doing?

January 19 2016

In my quiet time I worried; was this the sort of role model that I picked for my baby girl? How would she grow up if Harland's present behaviour continued?

You see that? That's the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. And as you just read, I am the first born, and I seem to have turned out ok too. The effect  that a physically or emotionally absent parent has is something no one wants to talk about or think about.

Here's another elephant: no parent wants to deal with the bad choices they make when it involves their child. Kids unconsciously drag around how their parents were towards them, and make partner choices based on it, unless they consciously break that cycle.

Parental role models are unfortunately scarce in today's society, so if you're not going to be a good parental role model, please don't become a parent.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Third Warning Sign

January 12 2016

There was another warning that Raiden gave me. "Be sure to become financially independent."

The first time I heard it, I wanted to dismiss it and laugh it off, but there was a tiny nudge at the back of  my head that told me to listen to the advice.

And I am so glad that I did.

Thankfully my mother did listen to that advice. I'll admit that she did what she could to bring us up - though that meant working most of the time. Over the years, she became jaded the more she worked, and would only be able to throw us a tired smile when she got home at night.

Just a piece of advice: be careful of the decisions/choices you make.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.