And then there's a mother's determination...

March 19 2016

That night when Harland came home, I had a new determination about me. If this fell apart - I would somehow make it through - starting with the help of Raiden.

One thing I admired about my mother when she was younger was her determination.

She would get up every morning and do what she needed to do to survive. Thankfully there were people to support her - like she mentioned; Raiden for one. Raiden filled in where my mother couldn't - she did the fun things with me, as well as taught me things that I needed to learn, like a Godmother should. I always wondered why she never became a parent.

Over the years my mother's determination wore thin, and she became weary. One thing that I hope is that I don't lose my love of life and determination like she did, since I've got so much to be grateful for and so much to live for still.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

The Lonely Life of a Mother

March 13 2016

When I got home, life went on as expected: Harland went to work, I took care of  my new lovely baby girl that I had named Morven; cleaned the house, and when Harland came home, he expected food, said little and went to bed. Attention was never given to Morven by him, except to tell me to keep her quiet when he was sleeping. There were nights where I cried silently, because I felt alone, and I had no support to take care of Morven. When I did cry, I made sure to do it out of Morven's presence, as I didn't want her to see my distress. Then there were nights where I tearfully called Raiden and asked her to come over.

This is what my mother had to go through because the partner she had chosen to be with didn't want to be a parent. 

Sometimes guys wonder why I have the attitude I do; and usually I don't explain because I know they aren't going to be sticking around. 

The problem with kids today is that they don't have the parental role models they should. Thankfully I had my Godmother Raiden when I was growing up.

Maybe if my mom had observed more carefully, she would've known to stay away from him.

Sometimes I think that my relationship with them would have been better if they'd been the parents they were supposed to. Maybe my brother Elian wouldn't have done all the things he did if they'd been better parents.

I can go on all day about 'maybes' and 'what ifs', but unfortunately I've got to work with what has passed and happened. All I can do is move forward.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Conversation with Elian

March 6 2016

You know, I haven't ever really gotten on with my brother, Elian; but the one night, while we were visiting Mom, he told me about this conversation that he'd had with Dad.

I didn't get why Elian wanted to stay in contact with either of our parents, but I was surprised at the advice that Dad had given him.

Now I knew that Elian wasn't really one for getting involved in a relationship; neither of us were, but somehow the advice rang very true. And it sounded like something Mom would say, even though both of our parents hadn't seen each other in years.

I can't remember how late we sat up, but we spoke about how late wisdom comes to some people, and usually, by then, it's too late ti change anything.

Anyways, I'm rambling too much over here; don't know how much of what I'm saying is making any sense to you. I just thought that I'd share a memory of mine.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Have the confidence to stand out from the crowd - don't be molded!

February 28 2016

Who or what has a say in how you should be? Our (girls') conditioning starts from a very young age. First it's usually our parents; and if they don't teach us correctly, then we have more chance of letting other sources (and usually not good ones), influence us. Unfortunately, in today's world, society dictates what we do and how we are. 

Here's the question I have for you: Are you brave enough to break away from the crowd and be different? If we let other people dictate who we are, you also allow the opportunity for insecurity to creep in, because you rely on other people's opinions instead of your own. 

With the situation my mother was in, there have been so many questions that have gone through my mind: if she had thought for herself a little bit more, would she have landed herself in the situations that she did? Thankfully, when I grew up, I had a better influence to look up to - my Godmother Raiden.

One last thing: Be careful of the people you surround yourself with, as they will have a hand in the decisions you make as well.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Where do your priorities lie?

February 21 2016

Unfortunately, my mother didn't have anyone to steer her in the direction she should have gone, which is why she landed up where she did. Thankfully I had a different upbringing - with a Godmother like Raiden - I had the opportunity to make better choices, even though I could have easily chosen to follow the path that my mother had walked. 

It's important to have someone in your life that leads you on the right path.Some decisions should be thought about for quite awhile - a couple of months - before you decide on what you want, because believe it or not, you pay for decisions made in the moment. Be careful of the things/people you invest in - there's a lot of energy/emotional drainers out there - that's going to need your constant attention. Boundaries and common sense are very good to have - make sure you develop them.

There should also be a particular order to the things you achieve. For instance - finish school to get a job. Have a stable job before getting involved in a serious love relationship (since a relationship consumes a lot of time). Have a stable love relationship before deciding on getting married and having kids. 

Making these sort of decisions out of the order I've mentioned is usually just a recipe for disaster - that end up in bad regrets. Life experience and self-awareness also counts for a lot - it can ensure that you make better decisions. 

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

The Relationship with my Mother

February 14 2016

The relationship with my mother wasn't the greatest. She literally had to bring me and my brother up herself since my dad wasn't really around. And then on top of that she had to work as well.

Early on I had learnt what mistakes not to make later on. That's one thing she (unconsciously) taught me. The rest my Godmother, Raiden, taught me. But unfortunately, by the time I finished school, I couldn't wait to get out of the house. As soon as I could, I got myself odd jobs around my hometown, and tried to put money away for some sort of college education later. 

Sometimes I felt that if my mother had been stronger in character, I wouldn't have had to literally bring myself up, with the help of my Godmother of course. 

Now that she's passed on, I feel that she's in a better place. She's made peace with the past and all the things she did (and didn't do). At the end of the day, I didn't have the relationship with my mother that I should have had, though my upbringing could have been worse, it wasn't as bad as some kids I've read about.

And so far, I've lived up to the character that I've built up in myself, and let me tell you, it's not so hard to have character and to live it like some people might make it out to be. 

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Friendships

February 7 2016 

I'm quite sure that you've had a friendship with someone that has basically been your lifeline?

In my childhood, it was my Godmother, Raiden. She always gave me good advice, especially when my mom wasn't in a position to do so.

Later in life (basically when I started working), Terra became my friend, the person I went to when I was happy, sad, angry whatever I was feeling at the time. And it was very therapeutic. I believe in keeping your friends for as long as possible. There are going to be times when you lose a friend, for various reasons, but on the whole, friendships should be for life.

When family life is hard, you know you can always go to your friends.

Oh - and another piece of advice: always choose a friend that will speak common sense into you, even if you don't want to hear it.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.