Have the confidence to stand out from the crowd - don't be molded!

February 28 2016

Who or what has a say in how you should be? Our (girls') conditioning starts from a very young age. First it's usually our parents; and if they don't teach us correctly, then we have more chance of letting other sources (and usually not good ones), influence us. Unfortunately, in today's world, society dictates what we do and how we are. 

Here's the question I have for you: Are you brave enough to break away from the crowd and be different? If we let other people dictate who we are, you also allow the opportunity for insecurity to creep in, because you rely on other people's opinions instead of your own. 

With the situation my mother was in, there have been so many questions that have gone through my mind: if she had thought for herself a little bit more, would she have landed herself in the situations that she did? Thankfully, when I grew up, I had a better influence to look up to - my Godmother Raiden.

One last thing: Be careful of the people you surround yourself with, as they will have a hand in the decisions you make as well.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Where do your priorities lie?

February 21 2016

Unfortunately, my mother didn't have anyone to steer her in the direction she should have gone, which is why she landed up where she did. Thankfully I had a different upbringing - with a Godmother like Raiden - I had the opportunity to make better choices, even though I could have easily chosen to follow the path that my mother had walked. 

It's important to have someone in your life that leads you on the right path.Some decisions should be thought about for quite awhile - a couple of months - before you decide on what you want, because believe it or not, you pay for decisions made in the moment. Be careful of the things/people you invest in - there's a lot of energy/emotional drainers out there - that's going to need your constant attention. Boundaries and common sense are very good to have - make sure you develop them.

There should also be a particular order to the things you achieve. For instance - finish school to get a job. Have a stable job before getting involved in a serious love relationship (since a relationship consumes a lot of time). Have a stable love relationship before deciding on getting married and having kids. 

Making these sort of decisions out of the order I've mentioned is usually just a recipe for disaster - that end up in bad regrets. Life experience and self-awareness also counts for a lot - it can ensure that you make better decisions. 

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

The Relationship with my Mother

February 14 2016

The relationship with my mother wasn't the greatest. She literally had to bring me and my brother up herself since my dad wasn't really around. And then on top of that she had to work as well.

Early on I had learnt what mistakes not to make later on. That's one thing she (unconsciously) taught me. The rest my Godmother, Raiden, taught me. But unfortunately, by the time I finished school, I couldn't wait to get out of the house. As soon as I could, I got myself odd jobs around my hometown, and tried to put money away for some sort of college education later. 

Sometimes I felt that if my mother had been stronger in character, I wouldn't have had to literally bring myself up, with the help of my Godmother of course. 

Now that she's passed on, I feel that she's in a better place. She's made peace with the past and all the things she did (and didn't do). At the end of the day, I didn't have the relationship with my mother that I should have had, though my upbringing could have been worse, it wasn't as bad as some kids I've read about.

And so far, I've lived up to the character that I've built up in myself, and let me tell you, it's not so hard to have character and to live it like some people might make it out to be. 

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Friendships

February 7 2016 

I'm quite sure that you've had a friendship with someone that has basically been your lifeline?

In my childhood, it was my Godmother, Raiden. She always gave me good advice, especially when my mom wasn't in a position to do so.

Later in life (basically when I started working), Terra became my friend, the person I went to when I was happy, sad, angry whatever I was feeling at the time. And it was very therapeutic. I believe in keeping your friends for as long as possible. There are going to be times when you lose a friend, for various reasons, but on the whole, friendships should be for life.

When family life is hard, you know you can always go to your friends.

Oh - and another piece of advice: always choose a friend that will speak common sense into you, even if you don't want to hear it.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Where do you get your mannerisms from?

January 26 2016

"Just be the best role model you can," Raiden told me. "Is there any other good father figures in your family?"

I shrugged. I had my dad, though for a father figure? I wasn't too sure.

"Um..."

"Don't worry, if push comes to shove, I know my brother wouldn't mind being a father figure."

I just had to smile. Sometimes I wondered where she got some of her mannerisms from.

I've known Raiden since I was born. She's my Godmother, and a really good one at that, despite the fact that she didn't have such a great upbringing either. I don't know how I would have turned out if it hadn't been for her. She showed me all the values and morals I should have. A lot of who I am today can be attributed to her. 

In a sense I think my mother was relieved in a way when I took after Raiden, because she knew that Raiden would be a good role model for me.

Being in a positive environment and being around good role models can change how a child grows up. And I guess I was just lucky enough to have that exact thing happen to me.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Choices: Does the baby monkey do what it sees the parents doing?

January 19 2016

In my quiet time I worried; was this the sort of role model that I picked for my baby girl? How would she grow up if Harland's present behaviour continued?

You see that? That's the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. And as you just read, I am the first born, and I seem to have turned out ok too. The effect  that a physically or emotionally absent parent has is something no one wants to talk about or think about.

Here's another elephant: no parent wants to deal with the bad choices they make when it involves their child. Kids unconsciously drag around how their parents were towards them, and make partner choices based on it, unless they consciously break that cycle.

Parental role models are unfortunately scarce in today's society, so if you're not going to be a good parental role model, please don't become a parent.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Third Warning Sign

January 12 2016

There was another warning that Raiden gave me. "Be sure to become financially independent."

The first time I heard it, I wanted to dismiss it and laugh it off, but there was a tiny nudge at the back of  my head that told me to listen to the advice.

And I am so glad that I did.

Thankfully my mother did listen to that advice. I'll admit that she did what she could to bring us up - though that meant working most of the time. Over the years, she became jaded the more she worked, and would only be able to throw us a tired smile when she got home at night.

Just a piece of advice: be careful of the decisions/choices you make.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.