Small Steps

May 8 2016

I started getting other ideas in my head. If I got to know Nevin enough, maybe I'd be able to invite her over to my place sometime.

There are days where it's easy to feel discouraged, especially when things feel overwhelming. Sometimes, a person needs to take a step back, prioritize things, or do the smaller or easier things first.

Things become slightly more bearable for my mom when she started socializing with other people - though it also became more interesting in terms of the reaction with my dad.

My mom never told me how my dad reacted, though I'm quite sure it's in her diary. She's hinted that he got a surprise - but I haven't gotten to that part of the diary yet.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Disappointment

May 1 2016

I'll admit; I was disppointed, but I should have expected it. That was how Harland operated.

This is how I felt during my childhood with my dad. But I learnt to block it out. And now, quite a few years later, he wants to have contact. There's questions that I still want to ask him.

And I'm quite sure that Elian wants answers to the same questions. But chances are, they probably aren't ever going to get answered. Our dad may feel guilty now, but I highly doubt he feels guilty enough.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

A letter for the boys/men

April 24 2016

Now here's one for the boys/men:

There are some that are decent out there;
but for those that aren't, 
this is for you.

For those of you that are
Manipulative,
Cruel,
Abusive (in any form),
Take advantage;
be sure,
I will find out.

I will not allow you to break me down
Simply because you don't have any self-esteem.
Go take some lessons from guys that
Actually treat girls/women with respect.
You clearly don't deserve to 
have one.

And then there are those of you that haven't 
Quite grown up yet;
You may have a
House,
Car,
Job.
But I get that vibe that you're 
Puppy Adoring me.
You don't have any idea how to value a woman.
You also have a tendency to have a low self-image as well,
and go for women that are confident
(so you can draw what you lack from them),
but at the same time they're also naive,
and possibly don't know how a guy should value them.

I suggest you don't come anywhere near me either,
simply because you would end up
Irritating me.

Pity there seems to be very few decent guys out there...

Here's hoping to a better future,
Morven.

A letter for the girls/women

April 17 2016

I've decided to do today's post a little differently; and I've decided to address this post to all the girls/women out there.

Always be on watch;
As there are those that KNOW your flaws.
They know exactly how to make you fall for them,
and know that you will ignore what they do to you 
because you 'love' them.

They know to come after you,
and be sure; they WILL take advantage of you,
simply because they don't have the greatest self-esteem themselves.
They need to prey on innocent/naive girls/women like you,
that don't know any better.

Don't be so taken in by their charm.
Watch what they say to you;
what they DON'T say to you,
how they act around you,
how they approach you.

Be observant and objective.
DON'T give your heart to them until you
KNOW their character flaws,
because at the end of the day,
if they've got bad character,
YOU'RE the one that's going to sit with it.

Develop boundaries,
as you're going to need them to
beat these guys off that want to UNDERHANDEDLY and
SLYLY take advantage and manipulate you.
KNOW who you are and the things you 
DON'T WANT in a guy,
Be sure to look for this first;
because this will be a life saver.
You'll be able to spot a guy that you
DON'T want from a mile away...

Here's hoping to a better future,
Morven.

Those hard times...

10 April 2016

One thing that I've learnt over the years, is that when you're going through hard times, try to focus on the good. 

An experience I will never forget, where I just focused on the negative things, was when I went to go and visit my mother for the first time in years. She'd also had that mindset when she had been working and trying to make ends meet. Though at that stage, she'd come to a better place, where I was still struggling with the past.

It wasn't easy being there, and when I left, it was sort of a relief, but at the same time I was sad, because I knew that things were going to go downhill soon with what our mother had revealed to us. And I knew that I'd have to go back. 

It took me awhile to let go, and to leave things in the past and carry on with my current life. During that time, strangely enough, my brother and I had lots of conversations. I also had lots of conversations with Raiden, which enlightened me a lot as to what my mother had been doing all the years that I had been away.

Don't live with any regrets.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Enjoy life, even though it might be hard

April 3 2016

"I think I must just enjoy this time with Morven, no matter how hard it is, because there might come a day where I don't have time to do that."

Take the time to enojy life, the moments that make life worth it. Once a person starts 'adulting', life becomes a little bit more difficult (I'm quite sure you've heard that phrase 'I don't want to adult today'). Even I've had those days; and I enjoy my work and life in general.

Unfortunately, my mother was a little bit different. Once she started working, she started losing the life she had in her, even though the people that didn't see behind closed doors would never know that, since she pretended to be a lot more friendly and vibrant when she was at work. Most nights, Elian and I would be at Raiden's place, keeping ourselves occupied. By the time we got home, we'd be tired, so our mother never had to ask us to go to bed. We never knew what she did once we had gone to bed, but I can imagine that she tidied up, then try and relax by sitting in front of the TV for half an hour before going to bed, or she went straight to bed and read until she was tired. 

Hold onto whatever positivity you can. Once good piece of advice (and yes, I'm not really one that actually lives this piece of advice), rest whenever you can. Don't overwork yourself, it'll just lead to burnout. 

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Be Warned...

March 27 2016

My shoulders dropped. "This was a bad time to have a child. How am I supposed to pass traits on that I think she should have if I don't have them myself?"

Raiden smiled. "There's always a way."

In this case, I agree with my mother. If she had waited, she would have had more life experience to pass on along with having possibly chosen a better parenting partner, instead of having to pass this important step to someone else - that someone else being my Godmother, Raiden.

Though I'm still grateful to have Raiden, because I feel that she passed on the correct traits that I needed to get through my childhood and teen years. Kids need solid boundaries, and unfortunately, nowadays, that isn't provided, then parents wonder why their kids end up messed up and making bad choices. 

A good solid foundation with emphasis on values, morals and standards is a good way to start. And be sure to have a partner that shares your values, otherwise it's just going to make parenting difficult.

Thankfully, my mother has improved somewhat since those years, even though it's a little late to have any eureka moments now that could have been used when me and my brother were still young enough to learn them.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.