Those hard times...

10 April 2016

One thing that I've learnt over the years, is that when you're going through hard times, try to focus on the good. 

An experience I will never forget, where I just focused on the negative things, was when I went to go and visit my mother for the first time in years. She'd also had that mindset when she had been working and trying to make ends meet. Though at that stage, she'd come to a better place, where I was still struggling with the past.

It wasn't easy being there, and when I left, it was sort of a relief, but at the same time I was sad, because I knew that things were going to go downhill soon with what our mother had revealed to us. And I knew that I'd have to go back. 

It took me awhile to let go, and to leave things in the past and carry on with my current life. During that time, strangely enough, my brother and I had lots of conversations. I also had lots of conversations with Raiden, which enlightened me a lot as to what my mother had been doing all the years that I had been away.

Don't live with any regrets.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Enjoy life, even though it might be hard

April 3 2016

"I think I must just enjoy this time with Morven, no matter how hard it is, because there might come a day where I don't have time to do that."

Take the time to enojy life, the moments that make life worth it. Once a person starts 'adulting', life becomes a little bit more difficult (I'm quite sure you've heard that phrase 'I don't want to adult today'). Even I've had those days; and I enjoy my work and life in general.

Unfortunately, my mother was a little bit different. Once she started working, she started losing the life she had in her, even though the people that didn't see behind closed doors would never know that, since she pretended to be a lot more friendly and vibrant when she was at work. Most nights, Elian and I would be at Raiden's place, keeping ourselves occupied. By the time we got home, we'd be tired, so our mother never had to ask us to go to bed. We never knew what she did once we had gone to bed, but I can imagine that she tidied up, then try and relax by sitting in front of the TV for half an hour before going to bed, or she went straight to bed and read until she was tired. 

Hold onto whatever positivity you can. Once good piece of advice (and yes, I'm not really one that actually lives this piece of advice), rest whenever you can. Don't overwork yourself, it'll just lead to burnout. 

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Be Warned...

March 27 2016

My shoulders dropped. "This was a bad time to have a child. How am I supposed to pass traits on that I think she should have if I don't have them myself?"

Raiden smiled. "There's always a way."

In this case, I agree with my mother. If she had waited, she would have had more life experience to pass on along with having possibly chosen a better parenting partner, instead of having to pass this important step to someone else - that someone else being my Godmother, Raiden.

Though I'm still grateful to have Raiden, because I feel that she passed on the correct traits that I needed to get through my childhood and teen years. Kids need solid boundaries, and unfortunately, nowadays, that isn't provided, then parents wonder why their kids end up messed up and making bad choices. 

A good solid foundation with emphasis on values, morals and standards is a good way to start. And be sure to have a partner that shares your values, otherwise it's just going to make parenting difficult.

Thankfully, my mother has improved somewhat since those years, even though it's a little late to have any eureka moments now that could have been used when me and my brother were still young enough to learn them.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

And then there's a mother's determination...

March 19 2016

That night when Harland came home, I had a new determination about me. If this fell apart - I would somehow make it through - starting with the help of Raiden.

One thing I admired about my mother when she was younger was her determination.

She would get up every morning and do what she needed to do to survive. Thankfully there were people to support her - like she mentioned; Raiden for one. Raiden filled in where my mother couldn't - she did the fun things with me, as well as taught me things that I needed to learn, like a Godmother should. I always wondered why she never became a parent.

Over the years my mother's determination wore thin, and she became weary. One thing that I hope is that I don't lose my love of life and determination like she did, since I've got so much to be grateful for and so much to live for still.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

The Lonely Life of a Mother

March 13 2016

When I got home, life went on as expected: Harland went to work, I took care of  my new lovely baby girl that I had named Morven; cleaned the house, and when Harland came home, he expected food, said little and went to bed. Attention was never given to Morven by him, except to tell me to keep her quiet when he was sleeping. There were nights where I cried silently, because I felt alone, and I had no support to take care of Morven. When I did cry, I made sure to do it out of Morven's presence, as I didn't want her to see my distress. Then there were nights where I tearfully called Raiden and asked her to come over.

This is what my mother had to go through because the partner she had chosen to be with didn't want to be a parent. 

Sometimes guys wonder why I have the attitude I do; and usually I don't explain because I know they aren't going to be sticking around. 

The problem with kids today is that they don't have the parental role models they should. Thankfully I had my Godmother Raiden when I was growing up.

Maybe if my mom had observed more carefully, she would've known to stay away from him.

Sometimes I think that my relationship with them would have been better if they'd been the parents they were supposed to. Maybe my brother Elian wouldn't have done all the things he did if they'd been better parents.

I can go on all day about 'maybes' and 'what ifs', but unfortunately I've got to work with what has passed and happened. All I can do is move forward.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Conversation with Elian

March 6 2016

You know, I haven't ever really gotten on with my brother, Elian; but the one night, while we were visiting Mom, he told me about this conversation that he'd had with Dad.

I didn't get why Elian wanted to stay in contact with either of our parents, but I was surprised at the advice that Dad had given him.

Now I knew that Elian wasn't really one for getting involved in a relationship; neither of us were, but somehow the advice rang very true. And it sounded like something Mom would say, even though both of our parents hadn't seen each other in years.

I can't remember how late we sat up, but we spoke about how late wisdom comes to some people, and usually, by then, it's too late ti change anything.

Anyways, I'm rambling too much over here; don't know how much of what I'm saying is making any sense to you. I just thought that I'd share a memory of mine.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Have the confidence to stand out from the crowd - don't be molded!

February 28 2016

Who or what has a say in how you should be? Our (girls') conditioning starts from a very young age. First it's usually our parents; and if they don't teach us correctly, then we have more chance of letting other sources (and usually not good ones), influence us. Unfortunately, in today's world, society dictates what we do and how we are. 

Here's the question I have for you: Are you brave enough to break away from the crowd and be different? If we let other people dictate who we are, you also allow the opportunity for insecurity to creep in, because you rely on other people's opinions instead of your own. 

With the situation my mother was in, there have been so many questions that have gone through my mind: if she had thought for herself a little bit more, would she have landed herself in the situations that she did? Thankfully, when I grew up, I had a better influence to look up to - my Godmother Raiden.

One last thing: Be careful of the people you surround yourself with, as they will have a hand in the decisions you make as well.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.