That one wise friend

December 29 2015

There was one friend of mine; she was single; and she warned me to be careful of Harland.

Is there that one friend that will advise you against making a bad decision?

I hope that all of us has a friend like that, because some decisions (like love); we base on how we FEEL, and not what common sense or that alarm bell that goes off in the back of your head dictates.

Sometimes you need a friend like that to be the self-awareness and common sense you lack. Following their advice, would be a really good idea.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Alarm Bells

December 21 2015

When I found out that I was pregnant, I told him (Harland) that night. All he replied was, "Oh, ok." That should have been the first alarm bell that went off in my head, but I'd just figured that he was tired.

What alarm bells go off in your head when you get to know a guy? Do any alarm bells go off - or are you one of those that are too blissfully unaware or too in love with the person to even think about something like that?

Have any of those past experiences bitten you in the ass? Just remember one thing: boundaries are always a good thing to have.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

What would you sacrifice for love?

December 15 2015

Here's a question my mother posed in her diary:

Would you sacrifice almost anything for love?

Now, your answer would depend on a couple of things. It would depend on the level of self-esteem, self-confidence, self-respect and self-awareness you have. Oh - and did I mention loneliness as well?

Loneliness is sometimes a big part of why people get into relationships they shouldn't. Sometimes I wonder why people aren't comfortable being alone.

For me, it is absolutely bliss. I can come and go as I please, I don't have to answer to a significant other. I'm comfortable with my own company and I'm basically independent. I've also noticed that sometimes someone is attracted to a particular person because of what they themselves lack, and I don't understand this either, because I can immediately see when someone tries to do that, and that's when I tell them to go jump. Why would you want to sacrifice your independence to be in a relationship?

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

How people seem, but usually aren't

December 9 2015

Here's a short piece from my mother's diary:

All I did was want to spend time with him; and looking back, I wish my parents had somehow known that I was seeing him, because they would have immediately warned me. He seemed polite, and well-mannered.

This, as I'm sure you can tell, is my mother speaking about my father, Harland. One thing I've come to know (without experiencing it thankfully), is that people aren't what they seem at first. Sometimes it takes awhile for true colours to show, and this is why a person must always take their time when they want to go into a new relationship. And don't ever be scared to back out if it isn't what you want.

I have a whole list of things a guy has to meet before I will even CONSIDER going out with him. And it has always stood me in good stead.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

P.S. Sorry, made an edit to the title.

Get to know yourself first

December 3 2015

The worst thing you can do; is not know yourself - and I'm talking about the good and the bad. And no self-denial either - if you don't want to change something or can't change it - don't stick your head in the sand. Just accept yourself as you are.

And yes, there are going to be days where everyone points out your bad qualities - hell, my brother, Elian (yes, can you believe I have a brother?) used to point out my 'bad' qualities a lot of the time - but try to move past that; there will come a day where things fall into place for you.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Gut Feelings, First Impressions, Getting to Know People - Part 2

November 28 2015

Here's a couple of points I use when getting to know people:

Point 1: Know what traits you like, know which ones irritate you - be self-aware. This is the best way to know when you're going to get on with some people, and when you're not.

Point 2: Don't ignore negative traits in other people. If you need to, walk away from them. This is very important; because this is where destructive relationships start if you put up with negative traits in people. And please note, there's a BIG difference between having small FAULTS, and having CHARACTER problems. Be able to tell the difference between the two.

Point 3: Have very clear boundaries. This way, you'll let people know when they need to stop taking advantage of you or when to stop pushing your buttons. Always be confident enough to say no.

Becoming self-aware takes time, but this is a very important aspect of yourself to develop, so make sure you take the time to develop this.

Here's to a better future,

Morven. 

Gut Feelings, First Impressions, Getting to Know People - Part 1

November 23 2015

How do you get to know someone?

Do things like what they say, don't say, do, don't do, how they act, make an impression on you? Or do you just bypass all of that and go straight onto idealizing the person? This happens ESPECIALLY with the opposite sex.

Do you ever ignore a nagging feeling in the back of your mind about what the person does or says?

Here's the great thing about ignoring these little warning signs: It bites you back in the ass and results in relationships falling apart.

Take note that there will be Part 2 coming - so stay tuned to hear what my thoughts are on all of this...

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

A letter to young people

November 18 2015

My mother wrote this letter a few months after she had me, to warn young people what they can encounter if they have a child in not-such-ideal circumstances. I haven't got a child myself, but I have seen plenty of people my age and a lot younger (unfortunately) that have been in this situation. Kids today don't realize what a HUGE responsibility having a child is. Here's the letter she wrote:

There's nothing easy about raising a child, and this is why I suggest you have quite a bit of life experience behind you before you have one. Have proper values, morals and standards in place, so that you can emulate this to your child and pass it onto them. Another thing: there are TWO parents for a reason; no one should have to be a single parent; so choose your parenting partner VERY carefully, since they will be helping you raise the child - similar values, morals, standards and viewpoints on how to raise the child will be a great help, and make sure they realize the sort of responsibility they're taking on.

I hope you realize that it is costly to raise a child, and that you have the life experience and maturity to raise them. A stable home life is very important. Teach them values like respect, patience, empathy, compassion, how to make the correct choices, confidence, discipline, appreciation, how to forgive, honesty, responsibility, self esteem and trust. Teach them to understand love, because in this society, love is shallow and fleeting. Teach them to respect sex the way it should be done: in a marriage. Teach them what traits they should look for in a partner, and those to avoid. 

I hope you realize that you'll be giving up your previous way of life for this child; that you can't go out whenever you want, stay out as late as you want, and just dump the child by someone else to take care of, and I hope that you're mature enough to take this in stride. You're going to be giving up a lot of things to take care of this child; it's not just your needs anymore, your child's needs come before yours.

And I hope that your child is one of those that grow up to teach those same things to their children.

-Perrine. 

Background

November 14 2015

For you to understand my point of view, you need to understand what background I came from. I didn't have a bad upbringing, but I didn't have the ideal one where I could have flourished and might have been a totally different person today. Now, I'm not saying my parents were bad, but they had flaws that were never resolved, that prevented them from growing to be who they were supposed to be and therefore would have been in a better emotional position to raise me.

You know how some kids unconsciously become how they were (or weren't) brought up? Somehow, I became the kid who consciously made the choices I did; and not because of my background. I made the choices DESPITE my background. I BECAME everything that my parents weren't because of their flaws and insecurities. I'm not saying that I don't have my own insecurities, but I most certainly don't have insecurities the size of meteor craters. I wouldn't be able to tell you if this was due to self-discipline or if it was in me already. And, it was so EASY to make the right choices as well. 

What I am now (and was still seven years ago), is what my mother was at the time of her death. She died two years ago at the age of 60. And SO many people come to this self-awareness stage TOO late. Take note, that I'm 25 years of age. So basically I've been self-aware for seven years. If I can help just ONE person become more self-ware, then this blog is totally worth it. I can't guarantee that what I mention in these posts won't bring some sort of a memory/reminiscence/flashback of your own past, and that if it does, that it won't be painful. But for you to become self-aware, you need to confront what you're unconsciously doing because of your past. It's the only way that you'll be able to move forward, especially emotionally. 

And one last thing: Look in the right place for what you need emotionally. I'll be going into detail about this in a later post. I would like to give you a hint, but then it'll give everything away, so I'll keep you in suspense for a little bit longer. : )

Here's to a better future,

Morven. 

Introduction

November 12 2015

Hello, I'm Morven Balint, and I'm Perrine Balint's daughter. My mother has passed away, and she left me a diary of the things she learnt along the way. I've read it, and have decided to share some of it with you.

I'll also be sharing my perspectives and the things that I've learnt. I'm hoping to motivate people to make better choices, because I've come across a lot of people that have made bad choices, and are paying for them.

So here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.