Small Steps

May 8 2016

I started getting other ideas in my head. If I got to know Nevin enough, maybe I'd be able to invite her over to my place sometime.

There are days where it's easy to feel discouraged, especially when things feel overwhelming. Sometimes, a person needs to take a step back, prioritize things, or do the smaller or easier things first.

Things become slightly more bearable for my mom when she started socializing with other people - though it also became more interesting in terms of the reaction with my dad.

My mom never told me how my dad reacted, though I'm quite sure it's in her diary. She's hinted that he got a surprise - but I haven't gotten to that part of the diary yet.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Disappointment

May 1 2016

I'll admit; I was disppointed, but I should have expected it. That was how Harland operated.

This is how I felt during my childhood with my dad. But I learnt to block it out. And now, quite a few years later, he wants to have contact. There's questions that I still want to ask him.

And I'm quite sure that Elian wants answers to the same questions. But chances are, they probably aren't ever going to get answered. Our dad may feel guilty now, but I highly doubt he feels guilty enough.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

A letter for the boys/men

April 24 2016

Now here's one for the boys/men:

There are some that are decent out there;
but for those that aren't, 
this is for you.

For those of you that are
Manipulative,
Cruel,
Abusive (in any form),
Take advantage;
be sure,
I will find out.

I will not allow you to break me down
Simply because you don't have any self-esteem.
Go take some lessons from guys that
Actually treat girls/women with respect.
You clearly don't deserve to 
have one.

And then there are those of you that haven't 
Quite grown up yet;
You may have a
House,
Car,
Job.
But I get that vibe that you're 
Puppy Adoring me.
You don't have any idea how to value a woman.
You also have a tendency to have a low self-image as well,
and go for women that are confident
(so you can draw what you lack from them),
but at the same time they're also naive,
and possibly don't know how a guy should value them.

I suggest you don't come anywhere near me either,
simply because you would end up
Irritating me.

Pity there seems to be very few decent guys out there...

Here's hoping to a better future,
Morven.

A letter for the girls/women

April 17 2016

I've decided to do today's post a little differently; and I've decided to address this post to all the girls/women out there.

Always be on watch;
As there are those that KNOW your flaws.
They know exactly how to make you fall for them,
and know that you will ignore what they do to you 
because you 'love' them.

They know to come after you,
and be sure; they WILL take advantage of you,
simply because they don't have the greatest self-esteem themselves.
They need to prey on innocent/naive girls/women like you,
that don't know any better.

Don't be so taken in by their charm.
Watch what they say to you;
what they DON'T say to you,
how they act around you,
how they approach you.

Be observant and objective.
DON'T give your heart to them until you
KNOW their character flaws,
because at the end of the day,
if they've got bad character,
YOU'RE the one that's going to sit with it.

Develop boundaries,
as you're going to need them to
beat these guys off that want to UNDERHANDEDLY and
SLYLY take advantage and manipulate you.
KNOW who you are and the things you 
DON'T WANT in a guy,
Be sure to look for this first;
because this will be a life saver.
You'll be able to spot a guy that you
DON'T want from a mile away...

Here's hoping to a better future,
Morven.

Those hard times...

10 April 2016

One thing that I've learnt over the years, is that when you're going through hard times, try to focus on the good. 

An experience I will never forget, where I just focused on the negative things, was when I went to go and visit my mother for the first time in years. She'd also had that mindset when she had been working and trying to make ends meet. Though at that stage, she'd come to a better place, where I was still struggling with the past.

It wasn't easy being there, and when I left, it was sort of a relief, but at the same time I was sad, because I knew that things were going to go downhill soon with what our mother had revealed to us. And I knew that I'd have to go back. 

It took me awhile to let go, and to leave things in the past and carry on with my current life. During that time, strangely enough, my brother and I had lots of conversations. I also had lots of conversations with Raiden, which enlightened me a lot as to what my mother had been doing all the years that I had been away.

Don't live with any regrets.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Enjoy life, even though it might be hard

April 3 2016

"I think I must just enjoy this time with Morven, no matter how hard it is, because there might come a day where I don't have time to do that."

Take the time to enojy life, the moments that make life worth it. Once a person starts 'adulting', life becomes a little bit more difficult (I'm quite sure you've heard that phrase 'I don't want to adult today'). Even I've had those days; and I enjoy my work and life in general.

Unfortunately, my mother was a little bit different. Once she started working, she started losing the life she had in her, even though the people that didn't see behind closed doors would never know that, since she pretended to be a lot more friendly and vibrant when she was at work. Most nights, Elian and I would be at Raiden's place, keeping ourselves occupied. By the time we got home, we'd be tired, so our mother never had to ask us to go to bed. We never knew what she did once we had gone to bed, but I can imagine that she tidied up, then try and relax by sitting in front of the TV for half an hour before going to bed, or she went straight to bed and read until she was tired. 

Hold onto whatever positivity you can. Once good piece of advice (and yes, I'm not really one that actually lives this piece of advice), rest whenever you can. Don't overwork yourself, it'll just lead to burnout. 

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Be Warned...

March 27 2016

My shoulders dropped. "This was a bad time to have a child. How am I supposed to pass traits on that I think she should have if I don't have them myself?"

Raiden smiled. "There's always a way."

In this case, I agree with my mother. If she had waited, she would have had more life experience to pass on along with having possibly chosen a better parenting partner, instead of having to pass this important step to someone else - that someone else being my Godmother, Raiden.

Though I'm still grateful to have Raiden, because I feel that she passed on the correct traits that I needed to get through my childhood and teen years. Kids need solid boundaries, and unfortunately, nowadays, that isn't provided, then parents wonder why their kids end up messed up and making bad choices. 

A good solid foundation with emphasis on values, morals and standards is a good way to start. And be sure to have a partner that shares your values, otherwise it's just going to make parenting difficult.

Thankfully, my mother has improved somewhat since those years, even though it's a little late to have any eureka moments now that could have been used when me and my brother were still young enough to learn them.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

And then there's a mother's determination...

March 19 2016

That night when Harland came home, I had a new determination about me. If this fell apart - I would somehow make it through - starting with the help of Raiden.

One thing I admired about my mother when she was younger was her determination.

She would get up every morning and do what she needed to do to survive. Thankfully there were people to support her - like she mentioned; Raiden for one. Raiden filled in where my mother couldn't - she did the fun things with me, as well as taught me things that I needed to learn, like a Godmother should. I always wondered why she never became a parent.

Over the years my mother's determination wore thin, and she became weary. One thing that I hope is that I don't lose my love of life and determination like she did, since I've got so much to be grateful for and so much to live for still.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

The Lonely Life of a Mother

March 13 2016

When I got home, life went on as expected: Harland went to work, I took care of  my new lovely baby girl that I had named Morven; cleaned the house, and when Harland came home, he expected food, said little and went to bed. Attention was never given to Morven by him, except to tell me to keep her quiet when he was sleeping. There were nights where I cried silently, because I felt alone, and I had no support to take care of Morven. When I did cry, I made sure to do it out of Morven's presence, as I didn't want her to see my distress. Then there were nights where I tearfully called Raiden and asked her to come over.

This is what my mother had to go through because the partner she had chosen to be with didn't want to be a parent. 

Sometimes guys wonder why I have the attitude I do; and usually I don't explain because I know they aren't going to be sticking around. 

The problem with kids today is that they don't have the parental role models they should. Thankfully I had my Godmother Raiden when I was growing up.

Maybe if my mom had observed more carefully, she would've known to stay away from him.

Sometimes I think that my relationship with them would have been better if they'd been the parents they were supposed to. Maybe my brother Elian wouldn't have done all the things he did if they'd been better parents.

I can go on all day about 'maybes' and 'what ifs', but unfortunately I've got to work with what has passed and happened. All I can do is move forward.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Conversation with Elian

March 6 2016

You know, I haven't ever really gotten on with my brother, Elian; but the one night, while we were visiting Mom, he told me about this conversation that he'd had with Dad.

I didn't get why Elian wanted to stay in contact with either of our parents, but I was surprised at the advice that Dad had given him.

Now I knew that Elian wasn't really one for getting involved in a relationship; neither of us were, but somehow the advice rang very true. And it sounded like something Mom would say, even though both of our parents hadn't seen each other in years.

I can't remember how late we sat up, but we spoke about how late wisdom comes to some people, and usually, by then, it's too late ti change anything.

Anyways, I'm rambling too much over here; don't know how much of what I'm saying is making any sense to you. I just thought that I'd share a memory of mine.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Have the confidence to stand out from the crowd - don't be molded!

February 28 2016

Who or what has a say in how you should be? Our (girls') conditioning starts from a very young age. First it's usually our parents; and if they don't teach us correctly, then we have more chance of letting other sources (and usually not good ones), influence us. Unfortunately, in today's world, society dictates what we do and how we are. 

Here's the question I have for you: Are you brave enough to break away from the crowd and be different? If we let other people dictate who we are, you also allow the opportunity for insecurity to creep in, because you rely on other people's opinions instead of your own. 

With the situation my mother was in, there have been so many questions that have gone through my mind: if she had thought for herself a little bit more, would she have landed herself in the situations that she did? Thankfully, when I grew up, I had a better influence to look up to - my Godmother Raiden.

One last thing: Be careful of the people you surround yourself with, as they will have a hand in the decisions you make as well.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Where do your priorities lie?

February 21 2016

Unfortunately, my mother didn't have anyone to steer her in the direction she should have gone, which is why she landed up where she did. Thankfully I had a different upbringing - with a Godmother like Raiden - I had the opportunity to make better choices, even though I could have easily chosen to follow the path that my mother had walked. 

It's important to have someone in your life that leads you on the right path.Some decisions should be thought about for quite awhile - a couple of months - before you decide on what you want, because believe it or not, you pay for decisions made in the moment. Be careful of the things/people you invest in - there's a lot of energy/emotional drainers out there - that's going to need your constant attention. Boundaries and common sense are very good to have - make sure you develop them.

There should also be a particular order to the things you achieve. For instance - finish school to get a job. Have a stable job before getting involved in a serious love relationship (since a relationship consumes a lot of time). Have a stable love relationship before deciding on getting married and having kids. 

Making these sort of decisions out of the order I've mentioned is usually just a recipe for disaster - that end up in bad regrets. Life experience and self-awareness also counts for a lot - it can ensure that you make better decisions. 

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

The Relationship with my Mother

February 14 2016

The relationship with my mother wasn't the greatest. She literally had to bring me and my brother up herself since my dad wasn't really around. And then on top of that she had to work as well.

Early on I had learnt what mistakes not to make later on. That's one thing she (unconsciously) taught me. The rest my Godmother, Raiden, taught me. But unfortunately, by the time I finished school, I couldn't wait to get out of the house. As soon as I could, I got myself odd jobs around my hometown, and tried to put money away for some sort of college education later. 

Sometimes I felt that if my mother had been stronger in character, I wouldn't have had to literally bring myself up, with the help of my Godmother of course. 

Now that she's passed on, I feel that she's in a better place. She's made peace with the past and all the things she did (and didn't do). At the end of the day, I didn't have the relationship with my mother that I should have had, though my upbringing could have been worse, it wasn't as bad as some kids I've read about.

And so far, I've lived up to the character that I've built up in myself, and let me tell you, it's not so hard to have character and to live it like some people might make it out to be. 

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven. 

Friendships

February 7 2016 

I'm quite sure that you've had a friendship with someone that has basically been your lifeline?

In my childhood, it was my Godmother, Raiden. She always gave me good advice, especially when my mom wasn't in a position to do so.

Later in life (basically when I started working), Terra became my friend, the person I went to when I was happy, sad, angry whatever I was feeling at the time. And it was very therapeutic. I believe in keeping your friends for as long as possible. There are going to be times when you lose a friend, for various reasons, but on the whole, friendships should be for life.

When family life is hard, you know you can always go to your friends.

Oh - and another piece of advice: always choose a friend that will speak common sense into you, even if you don't want to hear it.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Where do you get your mannerisms from?

January 26 2016

"Just be the best role model you can," Raiden told me. "Is there any other good father figures in your family?"

I shrugged. I had my dad, though for a father figure? I wasn't too sure.

"Um..."

"Don't worry, if push comes to shove, I know my brother wouldn't mind being a father figure."

I just had to smile. Sometimes I wondered where she got some of her mannerisms from.

I've known Raiden since I was born. She's my Godmother, and a really good one at that, despite the fact that she didn't have such a great upbringing either. I don't know how I would have turned out if it hadn't been for her. She showed me all the values and morals I should have. A lot of who I am today can be attributed to her. 

In a sense I think my mother was relieved in a way when I took after Raiden, because she knew that Raiden would be a good role model for me.

Being in a positive environment and being around good role models can change how a child grows up. And I guess I was just lucky enough to have that exact thing happen to me.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Choices: Does the baby monkey do what it sees the parents doing?

January 19 2016

In my quiet time I worried; was this the sort of role model that I picked for my baby girl? How would she grow up if Harland's present behaviour continued?

You see that? That's the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. And as you just read, I am the first born, and I seem to have turned out ok too. The effect  that a physically or emotionally absent parent has is something no one wants to talk about or think about.

Here's another elephant: no parent wants to deal with the bad choices they make when it involves their child. Kids unconsciously drag around how their parents were towards them, and make partner choices based on it, unless they consciously break that cycle.

Parental role models are unfortunately scarce in today's society, so if you're not going to be a good parental role model, please don't become a parent.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Third Warning Sign

January 12 2016

There was another warning that Raiden gave me. "Be sure to become financially independent."

The first time I heard it, I wanted to dismiss it and laugh it off, but there was a tiny nudge at the back of  my head that told me to listen to the advice.

And I am so glad that I did.

Thankfully my mother did listen to that advice. I'll admit that she did what she could to bring us up - though that meant working most of the time. Over the years, she became jaded the more she worked, and would only be able to throw us a tired smile when she got home at night.

Just a piece of advice: be careful of the decisions/choices you make.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.

Second Warning Sign

January 4 2016

If I thought Harland was bad when I announced that I was pregnant, it was nothing compared to when I told him the due date.

"I'll probably be working," he replied.

I was crestfallen.

I believe that there are always signs - and they're there whether we choose to see them or not.

There's no point in sticking your head in the sand hoping that the problem will go away. Honestly? My mother should have left at that point.

Here's hoping to a better future,

Morven.